“I have failed at many things, just wish that I don’t fail at this”
This line from one of my dearest friends made me pause and question – what is it with the word “failure” that scares the s**t out of us… Is it failure that we are apprehensive about or is it fear of failure…
It is the fear of failure that hurts far more than the failure itself. It not only limits itself to a particular activity but is all pervasive even in other activities we might indulge in. The fear of failure makes itself even larger than the actual failure. Actually, it is the fear of not being sure what will happen. Most of us can learn to accept and deal with the worst if we really know what's coming. We may not like it or look forward to it, but we can handle it. Not knowing is a different story. It creates anxiety, vacillation and a very gut level desire to escape the whole problem.
What happens if one looks at failure of relationships – more drastically in marriage? I am by no means competent on writing on this subject, nor would be the following lines be comprehensive and offer a panacea by any means.
Blunders are a necessary component of relationships, too. What's important is how they are handled. So an argument/ fight do indicate a minor bump but if the couple is able to get back on track in a mutually self respecting manner and effectively repair ties in the aftermath of a disagreement, it blossoms into a stronger commitment. Everyone messes up. It's the ability to say "I'm sorry" and to fix the relationships that count.
So, we have to keep a check on our beliefs because emotions are not caused by situations. Emotions are caused by our beliefs about situations, beliefs that color our perception and our understanding of events. Thus, if you believe that your partner respects and cares about you, it would be easier to get things back on track than if you feel him / her to be vindictive and indifferent. And possibly frank and honest (not hurtful – so you might want to point out mistakes in a nicer manner) communication surrounds it all!
Buying into the myth of the perfect marriage can encourage couples to avoid conflict. But that renders them devastated when problems inevitably arise. Rather than working to achieve romantic perfection, people must learn to survive reality together. A married couple that has never had a fight has missed having to examine themselves, to recognize their own foolishness, to expose their shortcomings and realize that they can be loved anyway.
It is the fear of failure that hurts far more than the failure itself. It not only limits itself to a particular activity but is all pervasive even in other activities we might indulge in. The fear of failure makes itself even larger than the actual failure. Actually, it is the fear of not being sure what will happen. Most of us can learn to accept and deal with the worst if we really know what's coming. We may not like it or look forward to it, but we can handle it. Not knowing is a different story. It creates anxiety, vacillation and a very gut level desire to escape the whole problem.
What happens if one looks at failure of relationships – more drastically in marriage? I am by no means competent on writing on this subject, nor would be the following lines be comprehensive and offer a panacea by any means.
Blunders are a necessary component of relationships, too. What's important is how they are handled. So an argument/ fight do indicate a minor bump but if the couple is able to get back on track in a mutually self respecting manner and effectively repair ties in the aftermath of a disagreement, it blossoms into a stronger commitment. Everyone messes up. It's the ability to say "I'm sorry" and to fix the relationships that count.
So, we have to keep a check on our beliefs because emotions are not caused by situations. Emotions are caused by our beliefs about situations, beliefs that color our perception and our understanding of events. Thus, if you believe that your partner respects and cares about you, it would be easier to get things back on track than if you feel him / her to be vindictive and indifferent. And possibly frank and honest (not hurtful – so you might want to point out mistakes in a nicer manner) communication surrounds it all!
Buying into the myth of the perfect marriage can encourage couples to avoid conflict. But that renders them devastated when problems inevitably arise. Rather than working to achieve romantic perfection, people must learn to survive reality together. A married couple that has never had a fight has missed having to examine themselves, to recognize their own foolishness, to expose their shortcomings and realize that they can be loved anyway.
posted by Sid at 6:50 PM
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