“I have failed at many things, just wish that I don’t fail at this”

This line from one of my dearest friends made me pause and question – what is it with the word “failure” that scares the s**t out of us… Is it failure that we are apprehensive about or is it fear of failure…

It is the fear of failure that hurts far more than the failure itself. It not only limits itself to a particular activity but is all pervasive even in other activities we might indulge in. The fear of failure makes itself even larger than the actual failure. Actually, it is the fear of not being sure what will happen. Most of us can learn to accept and deal with the worst if we really know what's coming. We may not like it or look forward to it, but we can handle it. Not knowing is a different story. It creates anxiety, vacillation and a very gut level desire to escape the whole problem.

What happens if one looks at failure of relationships – more drastically in marriage? I am by no means competent on writing on this subject, nor would be the following lines be comprehensive and offer a panacea by any means.

Blunders are a necessary component of relationships, too. What's important is how they are handled. So an argument/ fight do indicate a minor bump but if the couple is able to get back on track in a mutually self respecting manner and effectively repair ties in the aftermath of a disagreement, it blossoms into a stronger commitment. Everyone messes up. It's the ability to say "I'm sorry" and to fix the relationships that count.

So, we have to keep a check on our beliefs because emotions are not caused by situations. Emotions are caused by our beliefs about situations, beliefs that color our perception and our understanding of events. Thus, if you believe that your partner respects and cares about you, it would be easier to get things back on track than if you feel him / her to be vindictive and indifferent. And possibly frank and honest (not hurtful – so you might want to point out mistakes in a nicer manner) communication surrounds it all!

Buying into the myth of the perfect marriage can encourage couples to avoid conflict. But that renders them devastated when problems inevitably arise. Rather than working to achieve romantic perfection, people must learn to survive reality together. A married couple that has never had a fight has missed having to examine themselves, to recognize their own foolishness, to expose their shortcomings and realize that they can be loved anyway.

I have been reading lots of books lately and the words below are some my own and some inspiration from the great writers.

We are what out thoughts make us. Take a similie of our bath tub. When we even kick it lightly, ripples are formed. These ripples travel outside and disappear.... or do they??? I think not. The ripples have left a mark in the bath tub and don't disappear. They have done their work. Similarly out thoughts affect us and even though we forget after sometime, the thoughts have ingrained an impression on our subconscious mind. This sum total of impressions form our character. Good or Bad..... you have to decide. If a man continuously hears bad works, sees bad things, thinks bad thoughts - he cant help but be bad!!! He becomes a machine in the hands of these impressions and these drives him towards his downfall. Similarly A man of good character would have a sense of peace and serenity and would rise to the top in life. His thoughts and actions would bring goodness not only to him and his family but also to the world at large. He would be in control of Indriyas and would never be in any danger. He could be placed in the most evil surroundings and still he would remain unperturbed. Because he knows that it is God's hands that his guiding his destiny and journey. I would dwelve on this topic subsequently in my next write up.

We read in Bhagwat Gita that we all must work incessantly and be non attached to the consequences. All work by nature is composed of good and evil and thus there is no work that would be completely good or completely evil. Still we should work incessantly. Remember that you are in this world to educate your soul and the work you do is to enlighten your soul. God has given you all the prowess to do so. It could be through work, prayers, meditation or any other means. There is no single path and it can be a mix of all these paths. All the paths have one thing in common. They lead to God when we perform the work due to our love for it. When you work wth love, it makes you a master. You feel liberated. Dedicate everything you do, every result you get to God and thank him for providing you this opportunity. This is the only way you would be non attached to your work - you would love it and still feel free. Attachment comes when you expect a return, and when you dedicate everything to God - where is the question of expecting something in return You already know that His great mercy would always be there for you.

We had a CEO forum where Tata Steel CEO Mr Muthuraman came to address us. His story is amazing. When he joined Tata Steel, he was not promoted for 12 years!!! He still worked incessantly, giving his best to all the projects and in effect develop an understanding of the business. He didnt work because he wanted to be a CEO (a goal most of us nourish, without having/developing capability for it), he worked because he loved to. And today he is the CEO / MD of the 5th largest steel company (Tata steel - Corus). His love to work for work has paid him rich dividends.

Remember, there is no greater holdback for you other than fear - lot of us try and hide from our fears, hoping that they would vanish. Its not true. Fears never go away and they longer the linger, the stonger they become. They feed on us, our strength and intelligence. And its your choice when do you ant to confront. You choose to see the rose or its thorns, similarly you choose how to react to situations and combat fear. There is no sin in you, no misery in you, you are a reservoir of omnipotent power. Arise, awake and manifest the Divinity within. The question that arises is that when everything is written (Maktub!!!) how do we make choices? Take an analogy of a film - God is director and We are actors. An actor has a role defined - just like the path we have to follow is written; Now if the actor puts his heart into his role it is a wonderful act; similarly we choose to put our hearts in our work, relationships and family and when we do so everything turns out beautiful. The choice is in travelling the path, full of zest and energy. The choice is in the execution of the script of life.

I don't know what to write..... I mean am writing this post at 1 am without any reason.. but i gotta write... i dunno why, what, how... am clueless.. but still i wanna write!!!!

Its been over a month now that I have joined bk at XL and well i can safely am so far enjoyin my electives.... Its true that ur wrk bcums so much lighter & fun when you love what you are doing.

Some how there is an altogether a different feeling in second year.... I am a senior now... and 7 months down the line my course would end.... I would be thrown into the real world. Its scary you kno esp when u r a fresher (as in my case). All the talks which one has heard "Corporate Bas***** n Bi***" somehow appears to be so true that you can paint a vivid picture of what they would do and how you would react!!!! Its kiddish... or is it??? I mean I met very gud ppl during my internship and not much politics was visible... but then again i ve heard office politics is felt n not seen... something like air... its around u, all pervasive, and still invisible.

There has been lots of changes in my batchmates now.... Lots of them have bloated their ego... there is a sense of "I know better" attitude. And it surprises me!!!! Why does a person forget his truth!!!!! Some people feel that they are competing against the entire world... but i feel u shud compete against urself... U ve to better urself with every attempt of urs... and instead of trying pulling others down y dont u pull urself up!!!!

A lot of work-ex ppl mite not agree with me... as they have a common perception that the "kid" doesn't know anything.... its possible... so when i wd learn i wd update my blog with latest learnings....

One last thing I have seen in second yr after observing what goes on around me... There r no permamnent friends or foes here... u r wid some1 who at dat moment would satisfy ur needs better than what others can do... people say its professional attitude.. i ask them wat abt friendship, feelings and human touch...prompt cums the reply - u dont make gud frnds as u grow, its all need based!!!!!

I don't think so..... perhaps you can help me yaar.........

My Internship at Hewitt Associates :-)

"Hewitt Final Sign-Out Offer Siddharth Bhasin" and my friends rushed to congratulate me. I was relieved and happy. Relieved because I got through the process in the exalted "First Slot" & Happy because I knew I would be stationed in Gurgaon and this meant home cooked food!!! My size (around the waist) stands a testimonial of how big a "foody" I am.

On 17th April we all joined here and went through a two day orientation program. We were enlightened by who’s who in Hewitt and after going through a fun filled ice breaking session and sharing experience of people having immense knowledge in consulting world we treated ourselves to "Cake & Punch" session. The first display of "Team Work" came up when the entire summer interns group presented an impromptu skit. We threw all sorts of jargons which we had come across during orientation (Pitcher – Catcher Model etc. etc.) while introducing the skit and in the end added a disclaimer "There might be inconsistencies between what we speak and do!!!" The two minutes which we spent in front of other associates, we worked together like parts of a clock and acted out stuff which left associates laughing and us surprised at our silliness.

The HR department took care to introduce us to everyone in TOC, TOCA and GS. Everybody said one thing "It’s a great place to work". This really puzzled me. I mean were they all asked to say this to us???!!! Or was it a joke in the office which were about to discover. Time would tell…. Whatever might be the case, I was all set for my first Corporate Experience.

We were provided with our own workstations, phones, stationary and visiting cards. At once it instilled a level of connect with Hewitt. We were not just summer trainees, we were Associates. The pace at which work is done is great and it just goes to show that how much our time is valued. The next two months were full of work and fun. Client calls, Research papers, Reports, Excel sheets, Collating data, Making presentations and yes lovely chocolate cake which we had on send-off parties of other Associates (foody in me awakens).

Time has flown by and today when I look back on my internship, I can say one thing for sure that Hewitt has been a great learning experience for me. Despite 90 minutes drive from my place (one side) I looked forward to coming to office. I couldn’t have asked for a better company to start my journey in the corporate world. The warmth with which I was treated by Associates even at the top level has been humbling. I have made some great friends here in fellow interns and Associates and promise to be in touch with them even as we get back to books in our institutes.

But one thing which I would like to tell everybody reading Connect
"Hewitt is a great place to work" and it’s no joke

"I would rather be a Could Be if I can not be an Are;
Coz a Could Be is a May Be reaching for a star,
I would rather be a Has Been; Than a Might Have Been by far,
Coz a Might Have Been has never been; But a Has Been was once an Are."

In reply to my friend's post

My friend had few doubts.... so i tried to answer them....

"If you're not confused, you're not paying attention." Tom Peters

Yes we get confused and probably it is one aspect that would always stick with us becoz when we have a choice we have confusion. So it is not wrong to get confused feel bevildered or get lost in forming a chain reaction of the various possibilities which shall arise by the choice we make.What is important though is to have strong belief in whatever choice we make. Everything we do should have a reason - reason ranging from pure "gut feel" to highlycalculated move. After all there has to be a cause to have an effect.

We reap what we sow. We are the makers of our own fate. The wind is blowing; those vesselswhose sails are unfurled catch it, and go forward in their way, but those which have their sails furled dont catch the wind. Is it the fault of the wind?... We make our own destiny.

Who is stopping you from being what you are? Who is asking you to pretend? Being alone in a crowd or crowded in a solitary place is all in mind. You create these situations. You choose to respond to things you face. Its your choice. why are you waiting for others to strive for knowledge parity or wealth parity. Can you do something about it? If yes then go ahead. Never in this world would all agree to do one thing. Even during our fight for independence there were people pro british bcoz of their own apprehensions and interests. So there would not be a time when every one would say "I agree" in unison.Remember we are in a transition phase at the moment. It is true that the benefits of this transition must reach the common masses. And when we talk about development it should not be only in terms of high rise buildings and big cars but by the quality of life that even a common man lives BUT rather than waiting for someone else to do it why not we make effort individually and make a difference on our small scale.Such a thing would then be built up with time..... But for the moment you gotta do ur part.

First Blood Donation

To many it may sound surprising but yes today at the age of 22, I donated blood for the first time.

I must say that it was a humbling experience. My brother like friend needed it for his father’s surgery and how could I say no to him. The guy has been with me since 5th standard. We have grown up together and his presence has always been a source of strength for me. I always knew that he is one person whom I can call at anytime and he would be there. And yet today when he was in front of me I could see the child in him who was tensed and worried and hoped everything will be fine. I really pray to God that uncle gets well soon.

In the hospital I met a lot of people. An invisible but strong bond of hope, despair, tension; all held us together. I guess Adversity brings strangers closer together and relatives farther apart!!!! It was a large family where everyone was wishing the other person well and was even ready to help out to any possible extent. I too volunteered to give my blood to another patient at that time as it was an emergency. My friend actually took me to the other person. Thankfully there was an alternate arrangement for that patient. But the way a sense of selflessness came into me was, honestly, surprising and relieving. I really admire my friend for having the courage to take me to the other patient when he too needed blood. Suddenly I felt liberated from the hustle bustle of the world and more closer to humanity!!!! Clichéd… u may say… but I think not. There was an immense satisfaction inside me when I gave blood. I felt that I have made a difference to somebody and was there when someone needed me the most. After today’s experience I have decided that I would donate blood once a year. After all it is a little something which can make a lot of difference.

So as my first post starts with a good cause, I hope to make difference to somebody’s life when needed the most.

Any comments??? ……… Do write up :)